Boring Presentation- -How To Look Like You Are Paying Attention?
Once upon a time . . .
There was once a time when the corporate type folks who gave presentations or facilitated a meeting really knew what they were talking about.
Zog presents how Six Sigma will help your personal life??
They had mastered the particular subject and were experts at giving a speech in front of hundreds of people. These GIANTS of the past never used PowerPoint (Bill Gates was still a kid) and Sales type presentations were given by sales people who had actually done the things they were talking about!
This changed as bean counters and propeller heads became "all the vogue."
Powerpoint took over and the "Art of Kissing Up" became the corporate rage.
Oh. .every so often they might let someone with a pulse give a presentation; but that became exceedingly rare. Ultimately sitting through presentations and meetings became an ordeal of droning boredom sounding like Charlie Brown's teacher in those old cartoons. wha wha wha. .
Of course the easy answer is to kill Powerpoint and canned presentations; but that wont happen until competence is valued more than superficiality; so here's my 33 years experience of tips to appear that you are paying attention!
This is simply not an ideal posture for getting ahead!!
(Yeah- -I know- -No one wears ties anymore!!)
1. Have a pad of paper and pen so you can appear to take notes. These guys love it if they think that you think they said something worth writing down!
2. Remember (while pretending to take notes), be careful with your doodling. Small drawings are always best. Drawing endless circles or parallel lines might be observed by someone right next to you. They will laugh and make certain the boring speaker knows exactly what you have been doing.
3. If you are sitting next to a doodler (see above) than you laugh and point out the other guys' drawing while he should have been listening. This makes you appear like you care and is a great step forward in kissing up to the speaker and being a true team player. They really like that!
4. Count silently the number of times the speaker uses one particular expression. "Like" "You Know" "Um" these were once very popular. Not sure what the latest mind numbing phrases are right now? Have a contest with someone on who can count the most uses of these "phrases"? This will peek your interest and make it appear like you are really paying attention.
Bonus Tip- -Dress for Success!
5. Everyone uses a cell phone these days so using caller ID block - -call someone else in the meeting.
This will distract the boring speaker and embarrass the callee. You can than look like this really bothered you by shaking your head left to right. How dare that other guy have his cell phone on during this incredible meeting??!!
6. Body Language: Several of these presenters have peculiar body language quirk or tick like bobbling head syndrome or nervously looking down at the floor. Count the number of times his head bobbles but try not to look at the motion since it may hypnotize you or become the onset of vertigo!
These guys know they don't know what they are "sharing their thoughts" about so they are really insecure and most likely making up stuff. Test your ability to detect lies versus the truth, by paying very close attention to their ticks. This will help you later on much like the Poker "Tell" you hear so much about these days!
7. The weak bladder move: You can easily kill 10 minutes by sneaking out to supposedly go to the bathroom. This will start a herd mentality since others in the room are also in a bored stupor and will latch on to your toilet ruse creativity. This is why it's important to be the very first to make the exodus. If you see 5 people getting up to follow you out the door, you get absolution- -they simply look like copy cats. Consider holding your stomach like you did when you were five years old. Shake your head "no" again like you simply can't help yourself.
8. After the speaker is done try to be the very first person to clap. This will get the attention of the presenter. It doesn't matter what he said or whether his babble hit the spot! The point is to clap first. Everyone else will follow your lead but the presenter will only remember you!
9. If you are really trying to get ahead in a bad way. .make sure that you approach the Number 1 honcho or honchette during the break to tell them "how much you enjoyed their talk" use expressions like a "breath of fresh air" they love that crap!
10. Imagine if the speaker/presenter really knew what they were talking about. Imagine that this information was actually useful. Imagine that the person presenting actually cared about you and your success. Hold that thought and keep imagining as long as you can. The look of imagining might be noticed- -just make certain you do all this imagining with YOUR EYES OPEN!
There was once a time when the corporate type folks who gave presentations or facilitated a meeting really knew what they were talking about.
Zog presents how Six Sigma will help your personal life??
They had mastered the particular subject and were experts at giving a speech in front of hundreds of people. These GIANTS of the past never used PowerPoint (Bill Gates was still a kid) and Sales type presentations were given by sales people who had actually done the things they were talking about!
This changed as bean counters and propeller heads became "all the vogue."
Powerpoint took over and the "Art of Kissing Up" became the corporate rage.
Oh. .every so often they might let someone with a pulse give a presentation; but that became exceedingly rare. Ultimately sitting through presentations and meetings became an ordeal of droning boredom sounding like Charlie Brown's teacher in those old cartoons. wha wha wha. .
Of course the easy answer is to kill Powerpoint and canned presentations; but that wont happen until competence is valued more than superficiality; so here's my 33 years experience of tips to appear that you are paying attention!
This is simply not an ideal posture for getting ahead!!
(Yeah- -I know- -No one wears ties anymore!!)
1. Have a pad of paper and pen so you can appear to take notes. These guys love it if they think that you think they said something worth writing down!
2. Remember (while pretending to take notes), be careful with your doodling. Small drawings are always best. Drawing endless circles or parallel lines might be observed by someone right next to you. They will laugh and make certain the boring speaker knows exactly what you have been doing.
3. If you are sitting next to a doodler (see above) than you laugh and point out the other guys' drawing while he should have been listening. This makes you appear like you care and is a great step forward in kissing up to the speaker and being a true team player. They really like that!
4. Count silently the number of times the speaker uses one particular expression. "Like" "You Know" "Um" these were once very popular. Not sure what the latest mind numbing phrases are right now? Have a contest with someone on who can count the most uses of these "phrases"? This will peek your interest and make it appear like you are really paying attention.
Bonus Tip- -Dress for Success!
5. Everyone uses a cell phone these days so using caller ID block - -call someone else in the meeting.
This will distract the boring speaker and embarrass the callee. You can than look like this really bothered you by shaking your head left to right. How dare that other guy have his cell phone on during this incredible meeting??!!
6. Body Language: Several of these presenters have peculiar body language quirk or tick like bobbling head syndrome or nervously looking down at the floor. Count the number of times his head bobbles but try not to look at the motion since it may hypnotize you or become the onset of vertigo!
These guys know they don't know what they are "sharing their thoughts" about so they are really insecure and most likely making up stuff. Test your ability to detect lies versus the truth, by paying very close attention to their ticks. This will help you later on much like the Poker "Tell" you hear so much about these days!
7. The weak bladder move: You can easily kill 10 minutes by sneaking out to supposedly go to the bathroom. This will start a herd mentality since others in the room are also in a bored stupor and will latch on to your toilet ruse creativity. This is why it's important to be the very first to make the exodus. If you see 5 people getting up to follow you out the door, you get absolution- -they simply look like copy cats. Consider holding your stomach like you did when you were five years old. Shake your head "no" again like you simply can't help yourself.
8. After the speaker is done try to be the very first person to clap. This will get the attention of the presenter. It doesn't matter what he said or whether his babble hit the spot! The point is to clap first. Everyone else will follow your lead but the presenter will only remember you!
9. If you are really trying to get ahead in a bad way. .make sure that you approach the Number 1 honcho or honchette during the break to tell them "how much you enjoyed their talk" use expressions like a "breath of fresh air" they love that crap!
10. Imagine if the speaker/presenter really knew what they were talking about. Imagine that this information was actually useful. Imagine that the person presenting actually cared about you and your success. Hold that thought and keep imagining as long as you can. The look of imagining might be noticed- -just make certain you do all this imagining with YOUR EYES OPEN!
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