Broadcasting Price Increases
We've read at least five condescending broadcasts by various window film moguls advising dealers of price increases. These missives are usually written by well paid marketing types,
generally offering this sympathetic affect!
Of course they write at a 2nd grade reading level that suggests a dealer's intellect stopped growing at the age of seven.
Here is how they really should have written their communiques!
Dear Dealers:
We are raising your price by (____%) eliminating your best column pricing, lowering your co-op, etc. etc. etc.
You see we really don't have a single clue of how to improve sales in 2008??
It's hard enough covering our butts while trying to keep our jobs!
That's a given.
Our bosses told us that we have to grow sales by at least 15-20% no matter how the economy is doing.
We don't have the guts to stand up and tell them we don't know what we are doing, so the easiest response was to increase your prices.
Hopefully the Boss types won't factor real growth versus this BS but they are as lazy and incompetent as we are, so there is always hope that they won't notice! Now we may have a new boss, so be patient while we try to figure out exactly what it will take to kiss up to the guy?
Sure the cost of raw materials has increased. You read the same newspapers we do (we really don't read the newspaper we just pretend we do)
Of course in reality today's oil price has very little to do with your price.
We bought the raw materials more than a year ago, and heaven knows some of us don't even make the films, we simply re-package.
Look at our cost incredible of sales!!
Have you counted how many different managers we have?
If you ran your business like we do you'd be out of business! We prove that every day when we try to act like distributors by opening our own "service centers!"
Service Centers, hows that for an oxymoron*??
*"All morons hate it when you call them a moron. "
J. D. Salinger
I assume that an oxymoron is no different?
How about all those nameless marketing, marketing communications, and a host of other personnel who forward all phone inquiries directly to their Voice Mail? "Your call is verrry important to me, blah blah blah)
How about those sterling well versed sales reps that help you every day??
Do you know how much that Google Pay Per Click costs us?? Did we tell you how many clicks we got last month??
Plus- -we have to pay for our new company cars, hotels, expense accounts, trips to our annual meetings and gas!
Do you have any idea how much that wine goes for at dinner these days!
By the way, you'll be happy to know that upscale restaurants are much quieter than last year and we are getting seated at tables with much nicer views!
Thanks to your failures as dealers we finished up a dismal second quarter 2008.
We were supposed to have this all turned-around by now!
After all we promised the BOSSES we would meet their target!
Don't get us too angry or we may have to start selling direct once again!!
And just so we are talking straight here; don't think we may not raise the prices again!
We can also jack up the cost of brochures and sample cards like no one's business. .so be warned!
Have a great day and. .
Good selling!
generally offering this sympathetic affect!Of course they write at a 2nd grade reading level that suggests a dealer's intellect stopped growing at the age of seven.
Here is how they really should have written their communiques!
Dear Dealers:
We are raising your price by (____%) eliminating your best column pricing, lowering your co-op, etc. etc. etc.
You see we really don't have a single clue of how to improve sales in 2008??
It's hard enough covering our butts while trying to keep our jobs!
That's a given.
Our bosses told us that we have to grow sales by at least 15-20% no matter how the economy is doing.
We don't have the guts to stand up and tell them we don't know what we are doing, so the easiest response was to increase your prices.
Hopefully the Boss types won't factor real growth versus this BS but they are as lazy and incompetent as we are, so there is always hope that they won't notice! Now we may have a new boss, so be patient while we try to figure out exactly what it will take to kiss up to the guy?
Sure the cost of raw materials has increased. You read the same newspapers we do (we really don't read the newspaper we just pretend we do)
Of course in reality today's oil price has very little to do with your price.
We bought the raw materials more than a year ago, and heaven knows some of us don't even make the films, we simply re-package.
Look at our cost incredible of sales!!
Have you counted how many different managers we have?
If you ran your business like we do you'd be out of business! We prove that every day when we try to act like distributors by opening our own "service centers!"
Service Centers, hows that for an oxymoron*??
*"All morons hate it when you call them a moron. "
J. D. Salinger
I assume that an oxymoron is no different?
How about all those nameless marketing, marketing communications, and a host of other personnel who forward all phone inquiries directly to their Voice Mail? "Your call is verrry important to me, blah blah blah)
How about those sterling well versed sales reps that help you every day??
Do you know how much that Google Pay Per Click costs us?? Did we tell you how many clicks we got last month??
Plus- -we have to pay for our new company cars, hotels, expense accounts, trips to our annual meetings and gas!
Do you have any idea how much that wine goes for at dinner these days!
By the way, you'll be happy to know that upscale restaurants are much quieter than last year and we are getting seated at tables with much nicer views!
Thanks to your failures as dealers we finished up a dismal second quarter 2008.
We were supposed to have this all turned-around by now!
After all we promised the BOSSES we would meet their target!
Don't get us too angry or we may have to start selling direct once again!!
And just so we are talking straight here; don't think we may not raise the prices again!
We can also jack up the cost of brochures and sample cards like no one's business. .so be warned!
Have a great day and. .
Good selling!
Posted by Mike Feldman at 6/29/2008 9:53 AM 
Categories: Humor Unusual Weird, Consulting Coaching
Tags: price increases
Categories: Humor Unusual Weird, Consulting Coaching
Tags: price increases
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