Tales Of The Tape Saving The World From Glare?
While the world turned this week I set about my mission to save people from the glare.
One window at a time!
One window at a time!
OK; maybe it may not be the most important activity in the world (not that you'd get that impression by reading this blog!)
Now this was my 9th tape measure in my illustrious post 3M Window Film career.
The previous 8 having met their fate in any number of different yet fatal ways.
My first tape measure was a VISTA labeled skinny tape measure that flopped like a spaghetti noodle the two times I actually tried to use it.
"How cheap are these people?"
I was thinking that as I heaved that one into the nearest trash can. Seriously; I couldn't use that piece of crap to measure a flat ruler.
I made the trip to Home Depot and stared at the dozens of tape measures that hung in the tape measure aisle.
Shoot. .too many to choose from and the prices ranged from cheap to wow!
I decided that my new career deserved at least two steps up from cheap and grabbed one.
I reached my truck and began trying to remove my new friend from it's plastic encased barricade.
I pulled it and tore at it to no avail.
Finally I was able to extricate it from it's case while unfortunately pulling off that metal doohickey that allows you to stick that sucker on your belt.
This is the only tape measure I want on my belt!
(Amazing how buff I am- -right?)
I chalked that up as a small sacrifice since I couldn't imagine wearing a tape measure on my belt every single day.(Amazing how buff I am- -right?)
I lost that one in about a week and a half.
The late lamented Fat Max, now better known as Lost Max
The late lamented Fat Max, now better known as Lost Max
Back to Depot and once again I went yellow so that I wouldn't carelessly leave it on a clients kitchen table like I had done with poor Max.
That one broke in about three weeks.
Back to Depot.
I grabbed a Stanley Measure that went up 25 feet.
This was fun.
I had pulled it out to measure a fairly large window and let it snap back into it's little housing.
As the tape sped back into it's housing at the speed of sound, that little end piece flew to the left like a bullet.
The tape went back into the housing leaving me no way to grab the end to continue measuring.
I stared helplessly at this $40 waste of money, while simultaneously asking the home owner if they might have a tape measure I could temporarily borrow?
No such luck.. So I estimated the length and widths and did the best I could.
I didn't close that deal for some reason!
I've cut myself with my trusty tape measure.
I've had the tape slap me in the head as it retracted.
I've pulled off that belt gimmick 5 times trying to get the sucker out of it's case.
I've lost at least 3 of them (no one ever calls me to say they found it!)
BUT then. . .
That one snapped on my third estimate at the 4 inch line but I was able to Scotch Tape it for the rest of my estimate (see I do buy 3M stuff after all!)
I threw that one away and got a new $50 one from Lowes.
Three weeks later my wife asked me if I had taken HER tape measure from the garage?
I told her I did and how the old piece of crap had broken at the 4 inch line (hey it stuck in my mind. .why at the 4 inch line I thought?)
That went over poorly (I can assure you!)
I just got my new tape measure yesterday from Home Depot.
It has no idea what happened to it's predecessors.
I give it maybe a month!
Posted by Mike Feldman at 8/15/2010 9:23 AM 
Categories: Humor Unusual Weird
Tags: tape measure the death of my trusty sidekicks
Categories: Humor Unusual Weird
Tags: tape measure the death of my trusty sidekicks
Comments