Category Archives: Humor Unusual Weird

Signed in Blood-New Tampa Window Tinting DNA Selling Technique

Lesson learned-Carry Band-Aids on estimates!

OUCH!!

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There is a skill in using a tape measure, “believe it or not.”
You know the type I mean. .
That metal tape measure that rewinds at the push of a button?              
Having sold commercial jobs for many years (the good old days?) I always had someone with me that would do the “take-off” measurements. 

This obviously was a whole lot easier than doing it myself!

Now taking accurate measurements is a fundamental skill and the consumer can easily tell if you have been around a tape measure before!

The first few estimates I gave were comedic with all the pure fumbling and bumbling with my new Home Depot bought ruler.

I could chalk it up to a new selling technique but several consumers simply grabbed the tape measure from me and offered to “do it themselves!”.

Well, like everything else in life; the more you do something the better you get at it.

After thousands of estimates I had become the “Wyatt Earp” of tape measure.

Fastest Tape Gun in The State!!
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Sure enough I show up right on time (thank you GPS!) and rang the doorbell.

The conversation ensued and eventually it was time to measure and show off my well honed tape measure skills.

Somehow until that moment it had never dawned on me just how sharp the edge is on my trusty wonder measurer.

Now don’t get me wrong, you can’t shave with it, but I quickly discovered the sharp side of the force when I immediately sliced my thumb. .ouch!!

Remember this is the very first window and there’s at least 40 more to measure.

“Excuse me Mr. Prospective customer. .do you happen to have a band-aid???  Oops. .err. .paper towel??”

Plus. . I’m the type of nut that doesn’t react well to the sight of blood, particularly my own!!

Being the trooper I am- -I tried valiantly to measure the rest of the windows and write down the results on my quotation sheet. Messy- -messy.

Mr. Prospect says: “Are you OK?? You kind’a look pale.”

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Just when I am about to calculate the totals, my thumb wrapped like a mummy with Bounty (that stuff really works!) who walks in but a local Solar Gard dealer!!

Sammy SolarGard says: “Cut yourself. .eh??” (leave it to him to be so observant!)

We exchange pleasantries- – I tell Sammy that the consumer had cut me as a warning to get the best possible price and that he sure got my attention!!

The customer laughed, but Sammy Solargard looked a bit concerned.

I assured my competition that I was joking. (Of course I didn’t explain how I cut myself taking measurements. 

I figure it’s a “Man Thing” best left private)

I hand my estimate to the customer a far distance away from Sammy.

Blood on the form and all.

I joked “that our business is signed in blood and that my DNA assures a quality job.”

“By the way. .I tell him. .this finger cutting technique is a new method of assuring that our customers remember us!”

“We’ll jump through hoops to earn your business!”
The conclusion?

We install Monday at 9 AM.

My finger still hurts like heck, and every time I pull out that tape measure I get a chill!!

The wonders of self employment!

Advanced Film Solutions
877-575-3456

 

The Big Dog And Window Tinting

Originally posted June 20, 2008

My side of the story:

Now don’t get me wrong, I kinda like dogs. We have one at home; which doesn’t qualify me for “Dog Lover” of the year, but it’s a start.

Of course dogs are at their loudest when you are just about to ring their door bell. The potential client will usually tell you that Tippy is “harmless” while spending the entire estimate disciplining Tippy about barking, jumping on my brochures or simply growling at me.

I understand the growling part, since the dog’s distractions occupy so much of the homeowners awareness, I might just as well be explaining quantum physics and the latest thoughts on String Theory! (and by the way, there is nothing more distracting than a barking dog and a screaming baby going at it at the same time, but I digress!)

Nevertheless, I usually get through these adventures in fairly good shape.

Until two weeks ago. .

Suffering with pain on my side from my latent chicken pox and confident that I was no longer contagious, I gingerly approached a home in Wesley Chapel.  Now, just so we are on the same page; the pain in my side and rib area was worth two hours a night of icing. So I was hurting “big time” when I hit that door bell.

Woof– Woof, barking, screaming and the shout from inside , “Hold on!! I’ll be right out!!” Locks, chains and dead-bolts opening up and the front door swings open. “Oh hi” the homeowner says as I enter the home with my business card in my hand.

Out of the corner of my eye I see a verrrry large dog bounding toward me and my aching side!!

My prospect quickly says “he’s just being friendly!” as Fido heads closer toward me.

This isn’t your run of the mill, Beagle or Poodle, oh no. It’s some cross between a German Shepard and a Doberman.
This dog was BIG!

As Fido makes his leap toward my still aching side, I reacted defensively trying to protect my three hour ice investment and the two Advil’s I took an hour before.

Doggy

I crouched in a fetal position as she grabbed Fido’s collar and pulled him away from me. The look on her face was priceless as she asked me why I was so afraid of dogs?? I don’t think I got that order!! Darn that ill behaved dog!!

The Dog replies:

This guy is a big baby. First off I am not a cross between a German Shepard and a Doberman!! Get your dogs right you wimp!

And I didn’t jump at this guy! I simply strolled into MY LIVING ROOM and watched as he hunkered down acting like a scared baby!!

I certainly apologize for any misunderstanding, and frankly recommended that my Master get his Vista , or whatever that window film was!

How on earth was I supposed to know the guy had pain in his side!

If he was hurting that much he should have stayed in bed!!

I rest my case!

And… my name is Scooter!!!

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